All posts by mollygmarino

Your Weekly Tomism: Things Ke$ha Can Teach Us

Tom is dancing wildly in the living room for some reason or another. He has long and awkward limbs that flail, and he is coming dangerously close to kicking our dog, knocking over lamps and glasses of water, etc.

Coming next week: Sidewalk Scribe & SoulPancake #2: “What is the interplay between fate and free will?”

Your Weekly Tomism: Dreaming Without Pants

You’re probably wondering where Bad Things is. It’s Tuesday. Bad Things are on Tuesday. Maybe you’re angry with me right now. Maybe the tip of your nose is getting all tingly the way it does right before you start to cry. Maybe you’re panicking and your mouth is getting dry and you’re having trouble breathing and you feel like your world is collapsing around you.

More than likely, you’re just like “Meh. I’m feeling pretty indifferent about the situation.”

And that’s fine. But you should know that some exciting things are happening to Tales of a Twenty-something.

First things first, I will be taking a little break from Good Things & Bad Things. Fear not; I am not retiring them forever. I have a little project coming up that will be taking up most of my free time and most of this blog, and so the Things are taking a backseat for awhile. And by little project, I mean not little at all. It’s actually quite a large project. I will be announcing said project on Friday. I’m terrible at keeping secrets, but I’ve been REALLY good at keeping this one.

I know how funny you all think Tom is, so on top of this new project, I’m pleased to introduce to you: Tomism Tuesday. Continue reading Your Weekly Tomism: Dreaming Without Pants

Good Things: James Tate

James Tate has been banned from the Shelton High School senior prom for taping cardboard letters to the side of the school. You can imagine what the letters spelled out. Something terrible. Horrendous, and vile. It’s so bad…I’ve been going back and forth all day on whether or not to post it on here. Please be warned: the picture below is extremely offensive.

AAAAAAGGGHH! Lock up your daughters!

So the “Headmaster” of Shelton High School, Dr. Beth Smith – hang on, why does a public school have a headmaster? That seems entirely unnecessary and just a teensy bit totally pretentious. Anyways, Dr. Beth Smith gave James Tate an in-school suspension for this. In-school suspension = you ain’t goin’ to prom.

May I add that the school was holding a contest on the most creative way to ask someone to prom?

May I also add that the two friends who went with James to hold the ladder were also banned from the prom?

Ridiculous. First of all, the school was encouraging creative and different ways to ask someone to prom. Did James vandalize school property? Nothing was damaged. If James Tate had spray-painted the invitation to the side of the school, we would understandably have a problem. But this wasn’t done with a malicious intent. This was done to win a contest, and to make Sonali feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Grounds for such a severe punishment? I think not.

I went to high school with this kid named Dan. I’m using his real name, because frankly, I don’t give a damn. He transferred to my school sophomore year. He was okay in the beginning, but it didn’t take long for me (and most other people) to see that he was a terrible, mean-spirited person. HE got to go to his senior prom. You know what he did there? He went up to the “bartender,” asked for a cup of straight grenadine, went up to a girl who was wearing a stunning white dress, and dumped it all over her. Dan was kicked out of the prom, and wasn’t allowed to attend any other senior activities, including graduation. Everyone stood by the administration because the punishment fit the crime. There aren’t many people standing by Shelton High’s administration, and that’s a Good Thing.

The numerous Facebook groups that were created to support James Tate are AMAZING. As of this moment, the “Let James Tate Go to the Prom” group has 173,343 “likes.” Click here to like the page. My best friend (who lives in Shelton) told me today that she’s seen “Team Tate” signs on people’s lawns. Even with this nation-wide support James Tate is receiving, Dr. Beth Smith is refusing to lift the ban. Something tells me Beth Smith never got asked to prom.

My source in Shelton told me today that a hotel in the area is sponsoring an alternate prom for the students. Local radio station 93.7 FM is DJing. Fuggin’ incredible. I love it. It’s so “Footloose.”

Dr. Beth Smith made an announcement that any student who asks for a refund of their Shelton High School prom tickets will be suspended. Apparently, a pair of prom tickets cost $180.

Trust me kids, it’s the best $180 you’ll ever lose.

TEAM TATE

5/14/2011: UPDATE – Dr. Beth Smith reversed her decision and is letting James Tate go to Prom. Click here for her press conference.

Bad Things: (Very) Public Grammatical Errors

My number one pet peeve. Today I signed up for an account with a website that shall remain nameless, and after I logged in I was taken to my new homepage. On the top, in big bold letters, it said:

“Welcome! Because this is you’re first time here, take a look around and get familiar with the awesome stuff you can do with you’re homepage.” 

Yikes. Clearly, the content editor of this website wasn’t into “Schoolhouse Rock” as a youth. “You’re” is a contraction. A contraction is when you squoosh two words together. Contractions are easy to spot, because they have an apostrophe in them that takes the place of a letter. You are = youare = you’re. See? “Your” is the possessive form of “you.” Unless you are from New Jersey, in that case, I believe the correct possessive form of you is “yous.” So: YOUR education, YOUR reading level, YOUR intelligence.

“Another,” however, is not a contraction. Wanna know how I know? It doesn’t have an apostrophe in it. So you can’t just split up “another” and make it into two words, like people frequently do with “a whole nother.” I get it – it rolls right off your tongue. But it is so far from correct it’s unbelievable. And when you write it out, it just doesn’t look right, Amiright? And when you type it out, take note of the red squiggly line that appears under “nother,” and remember that it is not a word. And when you sing it in world-wide hit song? That’s just crossing the line. When I first heard Katy Perry’s “E.T.” I loved it, despite the strong pro-sexual assault undertones. I also noticed that in the hook of the song, it REALLY sounded like she was saying “you’re from a whole nother world, a different dimension.” But I was like, no way could that have been allowed. No way! She’s definitely saying “a whole other.” It certainly would have gone unnoticed to Kanye West, but there’s no way this blatant grammatical error would have been passed over by the writers, producers, record executives, etc. WRONG. When she performed on American Idol a few weeks ago, I watched closely as she was singing/pretending to sing, and there was no mistaking the fact that she was actually saying “nother.” Then, I saw the music video, and she does it there, too, ever so subtly, around the 2:20 mark. Before you watch – let me just tell you that this was one of the weirdest music videos I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen every single Lady Gaga music video. Honestly, it just keeps getting weirder and weirder until the very end and then you’re like…oh, this must be a joke. They’re trying to be funny.

It’s hard for me to listen to this song now, as catchy as it is. Especially with Tom around, who often sings “YOU’RE FROM A WHOOOOLE NOTHER NOTHER, A WHOOOOLE NOTHER NOTHER,” loudly over Mrs. Perry. Mrs. Brand? Who cares.